Too many years of
Poison slowing my veins
There’s nothing left but apathy
Rotting until the stirring of awareness
Until I come back to myself
And then —
My body, strong with my anger
Roots down in the earth like a tree that
Senses smoke, flames licking
Arms up, branching into the air
Ready for rapture, purification
I want to believe the light is in me
I want to believe I can burn down, rise
New; incandescent
Sara Myriad
4 Comments
Liz
This resonated with me. Nothing fills my body with anger more than knowing I could waste feelings and time on a man who would string me along, make me think I was what he wanted but doesn’t prioritize me. That he would make me feel that he was going to leave everything behind to be with me but in the end, with one excuse after another, makes it evident that he doesn’t have true intentions of doing so and that I was only on reserve while he waited for someone he was secretly in love with to become available, and I was only the fantasy he used to pass the time along and fill the void, and at best, was the other option he had waiting in the wings because what he actually wanted didn’t work out. The truth is, if a man really wants and loves a woman, he’ll make sacrifices, not excuses. He’ll leave behind anything and give up anyone to be near her or stay close to her.
saramyriad
That’s very true and I agree, its heartbreaking to be treated that way. People make the effort for those they really love.
Liz
Yes indeed. It’s always the worst when you realize you were the monkey branch, the rebound. Women leave marriages, good jobs, even their communities, to be with these men only to find out the man only needed them temporarily for attention and validation, and after we women give up nearly everything for them, the man decides it’s not going to work out, and that’s probably because the woman they really wanted suddenly become available or showed mutual interest. The truth is, if a man wants a woman, he’ll sacrifice to be with her, and nothing and no one is more important than her. There are men who have left behind good jobs and other things, and have even moved across country to be with the woman they want and love. If they don’t, then they don’t love her, but they allow women to lose a good bit of themselves before they find out the truth in the end. I’ve vowed that I will never sacrifice myself for a man again while he entertains time for me at his own convenience with little cost to himself.
Carter Moody
Sara, you are and will be a Phoenix rising.
Seeing this (I’m 4 weeks late getting to it) gives me some reassurance after your October essay about death. I miss you in IG but this darkhorse candidate sends his best. Think of you often but the newsletter goes to my secondary Comcast email, so…